UP DOWN ALL AROUND!
the room is spinning
all i see is a little black cat peak from the alley.
EAST WEST YOU PEST!
Its 3 AM i see why they call it the city that never sleeps
Is there a bar open? i can use a drink right about now
all this controversy is driving me crazy
BOOM! BOOM I ZOOM!
what the hell was that.
gunshots fired. OK that's it I'm leaving
NYC IS A CRAZY PLACE
ughh people here are seriously fat
these disgusting people with there
hairy chest, it makes me want to
vomit.
IM NEVER COMING BACK
HERE AGAIN!!!!!
GOODBYE!
Hey Nick, Codey again (I just commented on your first blog, in case you haven't checked in on it recently. There you will find my identity. But, I digress...).
ReplyDeleteFirst, seeing as the goal of this blog was to create your own version of a Frank O'Hara poem, I'd say you did a fine job at that. Now, seeing as I was not present in your class to "note the qualities that make up a Frank O'Hara poem" (Cooper), I cannot quite say what is present, and what is lacking, according to those "qualities," however, I will offer you my own stance. Based on the notes presented on Professor Cooper's blog, about Frank O'Hara, I'd say you're on the right track with the minimalistic approach your poem takes on. However, after reading O'Hara's poems, it is clear to see that, though minimalistic, O'Hara's poems were certainly descriptive, and detailed. And that is I what I see lacking in your poem: strained-out description. Not that it needs to be so expanded. I would recommend possibly zeroing in on a particular instance, and, as I just stated, breaking that down a good deal. Also, O'Hara brings to mind visuals of the New York of his time, which helps the reader better familiarize himself with his work, a familiarity I didn't quite see in yours, which, I feel, would serve it better.
All in all, I say you're on the right track, but, as with your first blog, I'd just say you need to work on expanding a bit.
Nick,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I want to say that that commenting on someone’s poem is very difficult because I believe it is a very personal, artistic expression, and that makes it hard (at least for me) to be overly critical. Second, I think you’ve done a nice job of conveying what your poem is about. “NYC is a crazy place,” and it’s easy to get caught up in something like alcohol, or the violence associated with the city. However, after reviewing the assignment I would say that you are lacking a bit in what some of the qualities of a Frank O’Hara poem are. For instance O’Hara used a lot of very specific artistic and cultural references, and also he tended to have a very arrogant tone (snobbish). So perhaps aside from “NYC” you could be a little more specific to your setting. Also something as simple as including a title at the beginning, and a date at the end of your poem could make it a little more O’Hara-like (Remember he even titled some of his poems “Poem”). However, as I said before, it is your personal expression and I very-much enjoyed reading it.